Have you ever heard a teenager talk about an alcoholic parent and the resultant chaos of their family life? Their self-blame? Their fears and how they fuel enormous amounts of anger, rage and driven to act out because it feels like nobody cares?
I have, in abundance; likely, over 20,000 such teenagers over the past 20 years. And yet, when I heard some teenagers share again this past weekend about the insanity of their parents who drink or react to the drinking spouse, of the verbal and physical abuse, the enormous amount of neglect, the depth of their grief and loss – it hit me in the heart and in the gut, just like it always does.
What’s up with a society that doesn’t acknowledge the emotional damage done to children of alcoholics and addicts? Where are the compassion, honesty and civilized discourse about the family impact of the disease of alcoholism and addiction – especially on the children and the desperate acting-out of teens?
American society is in a thick cloud of denial and ignorance fueled by corporate entities and gang-organizations that make millions if not billions promoting and selling alcohol, legal and illegal drugs to deal with the emotions and the stress in people’s lives. The profiteers do not want to reduce the dependence nor soothe the emotional wounds of the next generation. The more troubled and filled with pain and angst teens and young adults are, the greater consumer of mind-altering substances they become.
In this time of economic crisis, school funding for alcohol and drug abuse counselors is being axed, considered a luxury. Teens dependent on alcohol and drugs to cope with emotional trauma are not about to be academic achievers. And yet, addressing the emotional wounds and the misguided methods of coping are luxury items?
Sorry, but that’s not acceptable humanity in my world view. If youth are the most important resource on the planet as educators and administrators claim, then address their total needs, especially when the stats currently say that 1 in 4 children are living in a home where there is alcoholism or drug abuse. It is time to take alcoholism and drug addiction out of the closet of shame and into the discussion of active, committed prevention, intervention and treatment.
Showing posts with label drinking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drinking. Show all posts
Monday, May 16, 2011
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
New Survey Again Raises Alarm About Teen Drug Use, Attitudes
March 3, 2010
From Join Together:
News Feature
By Bob Curley
A new report finds that more kids say they are using alcohol and other drugs, but many parents are unable or unwilling to deal with the issue -- a bad combination when declining support for prevention and cultural apathy about the issue leave parents as the last and sometimes only line of defense against adolescent drug use.
The 2009 Partnership Attitude Tracking Study (PATS), released March 2 by the Partnership for a Drug-Free America (PDFA) and MetLife Foundation, reported rather dramatic year-over-year spikes in past-month alcohol use (up 11 percent) and past-year use of marijuana (up 19 percent) and ecstasy (up 67 percent) among U.S. students in grades 9-12.
PDFA chairman and CEO Steve Pasierb noted that all three are "social drugs," and the survey of more than 3,200 students, conducted by Roper Public Affairs, found "a growing belief in the benefits and acceptability of drug use and drinking." For example, the percentage of teens agreeing that "being high feels good" increased from 45 percent in 2008 to 51 percent in 2009, and those who said "friends usually get high at parties" increased from 69 percent to 75 percent. Thirty percent of students surveyed strongly agreed that they "don't want to hang around drug users," down from 35 percent in 2008.
"The resurgence in teen drug and alcohol use comes at a time when pro-drug cues in popular culture – in film, television and online – abound, and when funding for federal prevention programs has been declining for several years," according to a PDFA press release on the survey.
The reported spike in alcohol and other drug use and attitudinal shifts are startling enough to warrant skepticism about the validity of the findings. However, Pasierb notes that the PATS survey has been conducted using the same methodology for the past 21 years. The most recent Monitoring the Future survey, released in December, also found that use of illicit drugs has leveled off or increased after years of steady declines, and that youth attitudes about drug use appear to be softening. The 2009 PRIDE Survey of 6th- to 9th-graders reported small increases in current drug use, as well.
The PATS survey found that kids are almost as likely to get information on drugs from the Internet and websites like Youtube as from their parents, school, or media ads. "The preponderance of information that kids get online about drugs is pro-use, and to teens it's more credible," Pasierb told Join Together.
Perhaps the most surprising survey result is the reported increase in use of ecstasy -- a drug that, unlike alcohol and marijuana, has seemed to largely disappear from public consciousness since the mid-2000s. If the survey results are to be believed, more teens are now using ecstasy on a monthly (6 percent) or annual (10 percent) basis than at any point since 2004, and reported lifetime use is higher than ever reported since 1998.
Pasierb said that federal data shows that availability of ecstasy has not declined since 2001-02, and that prices for the drug have fallen. "There was just more news coverage then," he said.
"I don't buy the argument that drug use is cyclical," said Pasierb. "I think it's generational, and based on what we talk to our kids about." Drug-use trends among youth are "very malleable," he added, and what is considered cool or popular can change rapidly from the time a kid enters high school to when they graduate.
Parents Waging a Lonely Battle -- Or Not
About 20 percent of the parents surveyed by PATS believed that their children had gone beyond the experimental phase in use of alcohol or other drugs. However, almost half of these parents either did not take any action (25 percent) or waited for between a month and a year to address the perceived problem (22 percent).
Parents of children engaging in non-experimental drug use were less confident in their ability to influence their kids' drug-use decisions, according to the survey, and were more likely to believe that all teens will experiment with drugs and that occasional use of alcohol or marijuana is tolerable.
"Parents with drug-using kids have never been served by our field," said Pasierb. "They're the outliers, and they should be the focus." PDFA has developed a program called Time to Act that is designed to improve parental knowledge about teen alcohol and other drug use, set rules and boundaries, intervene when necessary, and seek outside help when needed.
"Government prevention programs have all been defunded, and society is not on our side. It's all on the parents now," said Pasierb. "Parents are convinced that their kids are getting all this (drug prevention) in school, and it's just not true. The doctor, school, or football coach is not going to step in."
COMMENTS ON THIS ARTICLE:
Posted by Dan Iser on 03 Mar 10 11:10 AM EST
It would appear that the "cultural apathy" has also filtered into the decisionmaking process that our congressional leaders utilize to determine funding for prevention. Most recently they voted to eliminate the state grants portion of the federal safe and drug-free schools program. This program provided nearly $300 million in funds to all school districts across our nation. Congress eliminated this valuable program because the amount that the average school district received was not enough to make a real difference in prevention substance abuse and violence. Many school-community anti-drug coalitions will be devasted by this action once the flow of funding stops during the 2010-2011 school year. Isn't it about time that we adopted a lesson learned by the tobacco lawyers. We need to sue someone and even perhaps the federal government itself. In realitity it was the Supreme Court that reversed prohibition that allowed the free flow of alcohol across our nation. And isn't it the responsibility of our legal and judicial system at the federal level to stop the passage of heroin and other illegal substances from coming across our borders. How often do you hear that federal agents have been monitoring the flow of illegal drugs from Mexico, South America, etc., and then from one state to another, and finally to the street corner of our communities. This process takes months and even years in order to "build a solid case". In the meantime, more of our children and young adults continue to make purchases and are well on their way to becoming full blow addicts.
Posted by Susie Vanderlip on 03 Mar 10 11:54 AM EST
This article confirms what I'm seeing especially over the last 6 months as a significant decrease in school and societal acknowledgement of the alcohol and drug use and abuse problem among teens. I am a prevention and healthy choices speakers to teens in middle and high schools and the interest in assemblies addressing these issues has severely declined in recent months. Yes, school budgets are struggling, but even Obama's state of the union address did not mention the alcohol/drug issue, and funding has been cut to Safe and Drug Free Schools. Add to that the push to legalize marijuana and apparent message to teens that pot is "safe and everybody's doing it," we are creating the perfect storm for an epidemic alcohol and drug problem in the current generation of youth and into their adult/family futures.
Posted by Susie Vanderlip on 03 Mar 10 01:53 PM EST
Diane asked, "The other reason people use is what?" The answer from my experience is to cope with/avoid feelings. Thousands of conversations with using teens after school assemblies and via email has made it abundantly clear to me that many use to cope with feelings they do not have a clue about what to do with: grief, loss, self-loathing, abandonment, verbal abuse wounds, hopelessness plus PTSD and persistent anxiety from the influence of domestic violence throughout childhood and more. I recommend we focus on developing healthy emotional coping skills in youth - call it stress management if you must - but deal with some of the underlying emotional issues.
check out more comments at:
http://www.jointogether.org/news/features/2010/new-survey-again-raises-alarm.html
From Join Together:
News Feature
By Bob Curley
A new report finds that more kids say they are using alcohol and other drugs, but many parents are unable or unwilling to deal with the issue -- a bad combination when declining support for prevention and cultural apathy about the issue leave parents as the last and sometimes only line of defense against adolescent drug use.
The 2009 Partnership Attitude Tracking Study (PATS), released March 2 by the Partnership for a Drug-Free America (PDFA) and MetLife Foundation, reported rather dramatic year-over-year spikes in past-month alcohol use (up 11 percent) and past-year use of marijuana (up 19 percent) and ecstasy (up 67 percent) among U.S. students in grades 9-12.
PDFA chairman and CEO Steve Pasierb noted that all three are "social drugs," and the survey of more than 3,200 students, conducted by Roper Public Affairs, found "a growing belief in the benefits and acceptability of drug use and drinking." For example, the percentage of teens agreeing that "being high feels good" increased from 45 percent in 2008 to 51 percent in 2009, and those who said "friends usually get high at parties" increased from 69 percent to 75 percent. Thirty percent of students surveyed strongly agreed that they "don't want to hang around drug users," down from 35 percent in 2008.
"The resurgence in teen drug and alcohol use comes at a time when pro-drug cues in popular culture – in film, television and online – abound, and when funding for federal prevention programs has been declining for several years," according to a PDFA press release on the survey.
The reported spike in alcohol and other drug use and attitudinal shifts are startling enough to warrant skepticism about the validity of the findings. However, Pasierb notes that the PATS survey has been conducted using the same methodology for the past 21 years. The most recent Monitoring the Future survey, released in December, also found that use of illicit drugs has leveled off or increased after years of steady declines, and that youth attitudes about drug use appear to be softening. The 2009 PRIDE Survey of 6th- to 9th-graders reported small increases in current drug use, as well.
The PATS survey found that kids are almost as likely to get information on drugs from the Internet and websites like Youtube as from their parents, school, or media ads. "The preponderance of information that kids get online about drugs is pro-use, and to teens it's more credible," Pasierb told Join Together.
Perhaps the most surprising survey result is the reported increase in use of ecstasy -- a drug that, unlike alcohol and marijuana, has seemed to largely disappear from public consciousness since the mid-2000s. If the survey results are to be believed, more teens are now using ecstasy on a monthly (6 percent) or annual (10 percent) basis than at any point since 2004, and reported lifetime use is higher than ever reported since 1998.
Pasierb said that federal data shows that availability of ecstasy has not declined since 2001-02, and that prices for the drug have fallen. "There was just more news coverage then," he said.
"I don't buy the argument that drug use is cyclical," said Pasierb. "I think it's generational, and based on what we talk to our kids about." Drug-use trends among youth are "very malleable," he added, and what is considered cool or popular can change rapidly from the time a kid enters high school to when they graduate.
Parents Waging a Lonely Battle -- Or Not
About 20 percent of the parents surveyed by PATS believed that their children had gone beyond the experimental phase in use of alcohol or other drugs. However, almost half of these parents either did not take any action (25 percent) or waited for between a month and a year to address the perceived problem (22 percent).
Parents of children engaging in non-experimental drug use were less confident in their ability to influence their kids' drug-use decisions, according to the survey, and were more likely to believe that all teens will experiment with drugs and that occasional use of alcohol or marijuana is tolerable.
"Parents with drug-using kids have never been served by our field," said Pasierb. "They're the outliers, and they should be the focus." PDFA has developed a program called Time to Act that is designed to improve parental knowledge about teen alcohol and other drug use, set rules and boundaries, intervene when necessary, and seek outside help when needed.
"Government prevention programs have all been defunded, and society is not on our side. It's all on the parents now," said Pasierb. "Parents are convinced that their kids are getting all this (drug prevention) in school, and it's just not true. The doctor, school, or football coach is not going to step in."
COMMENTS ON THIS ARTICLE:
Posted by Dan Iser on 03 Mar 10 11:10 AM EST
It would appear that the "cultural apathy" has also filtered into the decisionmaking process that our congressional leaders utilize to determine funding for prevention. Most recently they voted to eliminate the state grants portion of the federal safe and drug-free schools program. This program provided nearly $300 million in funds to all school districts across our nation. Congress eliminated this valuable program because the amount that the average school district received was not enough to make a real difference in prevention substance abuse and violence. Many school-community anti-drug coalitions will be devasted by this action once the flow of funding stops during the 2010-2011 school year. Isn't it about time that we adopted a lesson learned by the tobacco lawyers. We need to sue someone and even perhaps the federal government itself. In realitity it was the Supreme Court that reversed prohibition that allowed the free flow of alcohol across our nation. And isn't it the responsibility of our legal and judicial system at the federal level to stop the passage of heroin and other illegal substances from coming across our borders. How often do you hear that federal agents have been monitoring the flow of illegal drugs from Mexico, South America, etc., and then from one state to another, and finally to the street corner of our communities. This process takes months and even years in order to "build a solid case". In the meantime, more of our children and young adults continue to make purchases and are well on their way to becoming full blow addicts.
Posted by Susie Vanderlip on 03 Mar 10 11:54 AM EST
This article confirms what I'm seeing especially over the last 6 months as a significant decrease in school and societal acknowledgement of the alcohol and drug use and abuse problem among teens. I am a prevention and healthy choices speakers to teens in middle and high schools and the interest in assemblies addressing these issues has severely declined in recent months. Yes, school budgets are struggling, but even Obama's state of the union address did not mention the alcohol/drug issue, and funding has been cut to Safe and Drug Free Schools. Add to that the push to legalize marijuana and apparent message to teens that pot is "safe and everybody's doing it," we are creating the perfect storm for an epidemic alcohol and drug problem in the current generation of youth and into their adult/family futures.
Posted by Susie Vanderlip on 03 Mar 10 01:53 PM EST
Diane asked, "The other reason people use is what?" The answer from my experience is to cope with/avoid feelings. Thousands of conversations with using teens after school assemblies and via email has made it abundantly clear to me that many use to cope with feelings they do not have a clue about what to do with: grief, loss, self-loathing, abandonment, verbal abuse wounds, hopelessness plus PTSD and persistent anxiety from the influence of domestic violence throughout childhood and more. I recommend we focus on developing healthy emotional coping skills in youth - call it stress management if you must - but deal with some of the underlying emotional issues.
check out more comments at:
http://www.jointogether.org/news/features/2010/new-survey-again-raises-alarm.html
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Q&A with Susie: Mom worries about teen's drinking
Hi Susie,
I am a single parent and right now I am having a very difficult time with my teenage son. He is currently on juvenile probation, involved in a gang and smoking marijuana. His attitude is to the point where he doesn't really care about anything and sometimes he can be really disrespectful and just not wanting to listen to rules or be disciplined. I am willing to reach out for any type of resources that may be able to help my son. I know he has a lot of mixed feelings right now, and he is trying to get on the right track. It is very hard for him, so it seems like your program would really be beneficial for him and our family.
Thank you.
Mom w/ Teenage Son
___________________________
Dear Mom w/ Teenage Son –
My heart goes out to you about your son and your concern for the choices he is making. It’s heartbreaking to see a child going down a destructive path because of their internal emotional struggles.
I would very much like to be able to share LEGACY OF HOPE with your son as well as other teens either at his school and/or in juvenile probation. I regularly do assemblies in schools and for juvenile probation departments. The program does give teens a new view on why they are making the choices they are and an opportunity to ask for help.
As far as your son's situation, I often talk to gang kids and ask about the family - who in the family has/had an alcohol or drug problem? Did his dad? His grandparents? I look for the reasons he feels worthless - where did he get neglected, verbally or physically abused, ignored, yelled at, criticized, etc? If this is in his past, he is likely to be acting out on feeling like a loser. Divorce hits kids hard as well and when they become teens, they grieve again, and think all the problems in their families are somehow their fault and/or resent the family for the pain they are having.
I wrote a book that came out last year that covers more of this. 52 Ways to Protect Your Teen that can give you more insights into your son's feelings and thoughts.
Can you have him drug tested? Can you send him to rehab if he IS using? Can you get him into counseling with you? If he is using or drinking, I highly recommend you find Al-Anon Family Groups for YOU and attend some local meetings where you can get additional support and ideas from other parents who have dealt with similar teen problems and the feelings you have of concern, guilt, worry and fear you may have for your son. The meetings are free, anonymous, no gossip and can be extremely helpful in learning how to interact with your son in a healthy way regardless of his choices.
I hope these ideas are helpful.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Susie Vanderlip
I am a single parent and right now I am having a very difficult time with my teenage son. He is currently on juvenile probation, involved in a gang and smoking marijuana. His attitude is to the point where he doesn't really care about anything and sometimes he can be really disrespectful and just not wanting to listen to rules or be disciplined. I am willing to reach out for any type of resources that may be able to help my son. I know he has a lot of mixed feelings right now, and he is trying to get on the right track. It is very hard for him, so it seems like your program would really be beneficial for him and our family.
Thank you.
Mom w/ Teenage Son
___________________________
Dear Mom w/ Teenage Son –
My heart goes out to you about your son and your concern for the choices he is making. It’s heartbreaking to see a child going down a destructive path because of their internal emotional struggles.
I would very much like to be able to share LEGACY OF HOPE with your son as well as other teens either at his school and/or in juvenile probation. I regularly do assemblies in schools and for juvenile probation departments. The program does give teens a new view on why they are making the choices they are and an opportunity to ask for help.
As far as your son's situation, I often talk to gang kids and ask about the family - who in the family has/had an alcohol or drug problem? Did his dad? His grandparents? I look for the reasons he feels worthless - where did he get neglected, verbally or physically abused, ignored, yelled at, criticized, etc? If this is in his past, he is likely to be acting out on feeling like a loser. Divorce hits kids hard as well and when they become teens, they grieve again, and think all the problems in their families are somehow their fault and/or resent the family for the pain they are having.
I wrote a book that came out last year that covers more of this. 52 Ways to Protect Your Teen that can give you more insights into your son's feelings and thoughts.
Can you have him drug tested? Can you send him to rehab if he IS using? Can you get him into counseling with you? If he is using or drinking, I highly recommend you find Al-Anon Family Groups for YOU and attend some local meetings where you can get additional support and ideas from other parents who have dealt with similar teen problems and the feelings you have of concern, guilt, worry and fear you may have for your son. The meetings are free, anonymous, no gossip and can be extremely helpful in learning how to interact with your son in a healthy way regardless of his choices.
I hope these ideas are helpful.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Susie Vanderlip
Monday, April 9, 2007
2004 Newsletters
January Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/jan_2004.htm -Inhalants, Suicide, Smoking articles
February Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/feb_2004.htm -Drinking - Variety of Interesting Perspectives re: Teen Drinking
March Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/mar_2004.htm -Youth Violence Issues
May Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/may_2004.htm -Teen Depression, Suicide
July Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/jul_2004.htm -Stress-Induced Teen Drinking, Specific State Alcohol Actions
August Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/aug_2004.htm -Juvenile Drug Court - Example - Orange County, California
October Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/oct_2004.htm -Youth Violence, Video Games, and more
November Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/nov_2004.htm -What Various Countries are Doing about Youth Alcohol and Substance Abuse
2003 Newsletter
Spring Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/spring_2003.htm -What's up with LEGACY OF HOPE Outreach
2002 Newsletter
Spring Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/spring_2002.htm -Rural America - Alcohol & Drugs Perspective
2001 Newsletters
Fall Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/fall_2001.htm -Lessons on Sex Learned on the Dance Floor/Freaking
Spring Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/spring_2001.htm -Various Prevention Topics
Winter Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/winter_2001.htm -Pre-Teen Fashion Concerns, Youth and Gun Violence, Verbal Abuse Impact
Spring Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/spring_2001.htm -Various Prevention Topics
Winter Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/winter_2001.htm -Pre-Teen Fashion Concerns, Youth and Gun Violence, Verbal Abuse Impact
2000 Newsletters
Fall Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/fall_2000.htm -Dealing with Stress: How Men and Women Differ, various Prevention Articles
Spring Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/spring_2000.htm -Prevention Info, Service Learning Curriculum
Winter Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/winter_2000.htm -National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign
Spring Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/spring_2000.htm -Prevention Info, Service Learning Curriculum
Winter Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/winter_2000.htm -National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign
1999 Newsletter
Fall Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/fall_1999.htm -Elements of a Good Prevention Program, Teen Violence Prevention
my book: 52 Ways To Protect Your Teen
iParenting Media Award, 2006 EXCELLENT PRODUCTS WINNER!
* Sleep better knowing your teen is well prepared to resist peer pressure.
* Written in 52 short, easy-to-read chapters
* Unique insights into the “why” and “how” teenagers think.
I wrote this book based on lengthy one-on-one conversations with 25,000 individual teens following my LEGACY OF HOPE® assemblies at their schools and youth conferences.
The world our youth are growing up in today is not the same as the world of our childhood. The pressures and the pains of adolescence are magnified multi-fold, and so are the means of escaping them. So we adults need a reality check AND we need to know how to reach teenagers raised in a digital, multi-media, sound-bite, extreme, star-studded, sexualized, endorsed drug-using social environment. Let's not forget that it is a bottom-line profits world today in which we've allowed corporate America to market everything under the sun to our youth with sexual messages we would have considered pornography a generation ago.
HOW TO with a mighty mix of HOPE! 52 Ways is easy to read -- read a little, read a lot, then re-read when you want to try out a new skill or approach to a teen, on a day he/she is sporting a less than communicative "attitude"!
52 Ways to Protect Your Teen
Guiding Teens to Good Choices and Success
Author Susie Vanderlip, CSP
A great read for teens, as well, to get along better with parents and peers!
* Sleep better knowing your teen is well prepared to resist peer pressure.
* Written in 52 short, easy-to-read chapters
* Unique insights into the “why” and “how” teenagers think.
For more information about 52 Ways to Protect your Teen or to place an order visit www.waystoprotect.com
I wrote this book based on lengthy one-on-one conversations with 25,000 individual teens following my LEGACY OF HOPE® assemblies at their schools and youth conferences.
The world our youth are growing up in today is not the same as the world of our childhood. The pressures and the pains of adolescence are magnified multi-fold, and so are the means of escaping them. So we adults need a reality check AND we need to know how to reach teenagers raised in a digital, multi-media, sound-bite, extreme, star-studded, sexualized, endorsed drug-using social environment. Let's not forget that it is a bottom-line profits world today in which we've allowed corporate America to market everything under the sun to our youth with sexual messages we would have considered pornography a generation ago.
HOW TO with a mighty mix of HOPE! 52 Ways is easy to read -- read a little, read a lot, then re-read when you want to try out a new skill or approach to a teen, on a day he/she is sporting a less than communicative "attitude"!
Who I Am and What I Do
Maybe you just saw me at your school today, or maybe I talked at a conference you were at in the past... You may remember me best as "Julio", a gang member from the barrio with a mean, alcoholic dad and a painful past... Maybe you'll remember me best as the cheerleader in red whose dad drinks too much, or how about the soccer player whose parents just split and is now cutting on herself because of emotions she cannot face. Maybe you remember these or another of the 8 characters I portray in my one-woman show, LEGACY OF HOPE 
All these characters are based on real teens and adults I’ve met on my journey to help teens understand the power and purpose of their feelings and, more importantly, how they drive us from within – how anger, sadness, grief, self-loathing, hopelessness and despair are important emotions that tell us we need to reach out and ask for help from caring and safe people.
I also hope you'll just remember me as Susie, the lady in the red jacket who spoke about a 15 year-old girl and a 17-year-old boy who met in high school, fell madly in love, and later got married. Do you remember how I shared that they first tried alcohol and pot at parties in college (like parties in every high school in America today!)? I shared how HE really liked it. In fact, he turned to alcohol and drugs to cope with the stress/emotions in his life. He was an intelligent and capable person who became a dentist, yet turned to prescription and illegal drugs to handle his feelings, fears, discomfort, anxiety, depression, and disappointments. Then, you may remember my sharing that SHE began to feel suicidal living with him. It didn’t matter how high he got or what he took to get there, he now was mean and angry or ignored her completely. She had been the high school valedictorian and voted Most Likely to Succeed. It did not matter. His criticisms and unkindness eroded her self-esteem. Then, one night, he self-medicated for the flu: took some prescription pain killer (like Oxycontin), drank some alcohol, and snorted lines of cocaine. In the middle of the night, his heart stopped; by morning he was gone. That morning at the age of 35, as I shared, my husband died. This was my story. And, of course, my pain. In the 20+ years since that happened, I have learned so many important lessons about dealing with feelings, how to get out of feeling like a victim, how to heal anger/shame/resentment, who to talk to about grief, and just what it takes to develop emotional wisdom – the key ingredient to feeling happy, joyous and free of past pain.
So, here I am – ready to be a resource to you and your friends if you get what I’m talking about – if someone else’s drinking, drug use, sexual acting out, unkindness, criticism, cruelty has affected your emotions like it did mine. If you come from a family where someone has a drinking or drug problem, or a family with verbal, physical, emotional abuse, perhaps you, too, need to know where to get help. I can help you with that. I am not a therapist, a counselor, or a licensed social worker. I am simply one person willing to share their experience, strength and hope along the road to emotional well-being – particularly if you’ve thought you were the only one dealing with such things.
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