Get Out of Denial, America

Have you ever heard a teenager talk about an alcoholic parent and the resultant chaos of their family life? Their self-blame? Their fears and how they fuel enormous amounts of anger, rage and driven to act out because it feels like nobody cares?

I have, in abundance; likely, over 20,000 such teenagers over the past 20 years. And yet, when I heard some teenagers share again this past weekend about the insanity of their parents who drink or react to the drinking spouse, of the verbal and physical abuse, the enormous amount of neglect, the depth of their grief and loss – it hit me in the heart and in the gut, just like it always does.

What’s up with a society that doesn’t acknowledge the emotional damage done to children of alcoholics and addicts? Where are the compassion, honesty and civilized discourse about the family impact of the disease of alcoholism and addiction – especially on the children and the desperate acting-out of teens?

American society is in a thick cloud of denial and ignorance fueled by corporate entities and gang-organizations that make millions if not billions promoting and selling alcohol, legal and illegal drugs to deal with the emotions and the stress in people’s lives. The profiteers do not want to reduce the dependence nor soothe the emotional wounds of the next generation. The more troubled and filled with pain and angst teens and young adults are, the greater consumer of mind-altering substances they become.

In this time of economic crisis, school funding for alcohol and drug abuse counselors is being axed, considered a luxury. Teens dependent on alcohol and drugs to cope with emotional trauma are not about to be academic achievers. And yet, addressing the emotional wounds and the misguided methods of coping are luxury items?

Sorry, but that’s not acceptable humanity in my world view. If youth are the most important resource on the planet as educators and administrators claim, then address their total needs, especially when the stats currently say that 1 in 4 children are living in a home where there is alcoholism or drug abuse. It is time to take alcoholism and drug addiction out of the closet of shame and into the discussion of active, committed prevention, intervention and treatment.

Q&A with Susie: Teens feelings about Parent's Divorce

Dear Ms. Susie,

I just wanted to thank you for your presentation this morning at my High School. The characters you portrayed were very close to home for me and it touched my heart. It was really nice having you present today and understand what most of us teens go through in our everyday life.

I too, have the emotion of feeling neglected and unloved. My parents divorced when I was in elementary school and I still, to this day, remember every single thing that happened during the time when my parents were in the process of getting a divorce. Every now and then I still cry because my dad doesn't care about me and he has a new wife that doesn't want him to see me. I sometimes feel that it’s my fault that my parents got a divorce. Sometimes I even feel that I was just a mistake. I just wanted to thank you for understanding and I also wanted to say how I can relate to many of the characters. I come from a broken family; it's nice to know someone like you understands.

Sincerely,

Grateful Teen
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Hello Grateful!

THANK YOU for emailing and sharing about your life.
I know how it feels to think things are your fault and that somehow you are responsible for the lack of love from others in your life. Truth is, you did not cause your parents to divorce, nor for your father to neglect you. None of us are a "mistake" in God's world. He wanted us to be born, no matter WHAT craziness our parents may be going through! And having parents that don't seem to care enough is very common because many parents are NOT mature and emotionally intelligent. They are still angry, self-centered kids inside, thinking life is all about THEM! Especially if either of them drinks heavily or does any drugs. Then they are SURE to neglect their kids because alcohol and drugs damage the brains ability to be mature, responsible and able to love.

I think it is important to decide if you want to feel like a "victim" and always the loser or not. It's not easy letting go of thinking we're not good enough. It's even a safe belief to have because then when anything goes wrong, we can always just feel like it is our fault and not have to care or try to make life better! HOWEVER, there are so many LOVING people in the world, who are compassionate, patient, kind and giving. The key is where to find them. You don't find them at parties typically. Usually in places where people are helping other people, involved in service, spiritual endeavors, positive people. At any rate, I encourage you to keep your eyes open for people who DO accept you just the way you are and are RELIABLE in their friendship. Just because parents are not, does not mean you are not lovable and deserve respect and reliable caring from others!

I will keep you in my prayers!
Susie Vanderlip