Dear Ms. Susie,
I just wanted to thank you for your presentation this morning at my High School. The characters you portrayed were very close to home for me and it touched my heart. It was really nice having you present today and understand what most of us teens go through in our everyday life.
I too, have the emotion of feeling neglected and unloved. My parents divorced when I was in elementary school and I still, to this day, remember every single thing that happened during the time when my parents were in the process of getting a divorce. Every now and then I still cry because my dad doesn't care about me and he has a new wife that doesn't want him to see me. I sometimes feel that it’s my fault that my parents got a divorce. Sometimes I even feel that I was just a mistake. I just wanted to thank you for understanding and I also wanted to say how I can relate to many of the characters. I come from a broken family; it's nice to know someone like you understands.
Sincerely,
Grateful Teen
__________________________________________
Hello Grateful!
THANK YOU for emailing and sharing about your life.
I know how it feels to think things are your fault and that somehow you are responsible for the lack of love from others in your life. Truth is, you did not cause your parents to divorce, nor for your father to neglect you. None of us are a "mistake" in God's world. He wanted us to be born, no matter WHAT craziness our parents may be going through! And having parents that don't seem to care enough is very common because many parents are NOT mature and emotionally intelligent. They are still angry, self-centered kids inside, thinking life is all about THEM! Especially if either of them drinks heavily or does any drugs. Then they are SURE to neglect their kids because alcohol and drugs damage the brains ability to be mature, responsible and able to love.
I think it is important to decide if you want to feel like a "victim" and always the loser or not. It's not easy letting go of thinking we're not good enough. It's even a safe belief to have because then when anything goes wrong, we can always just feel like it is our fault and not have to care or try to make life better! HOWEVER, there are so many LOVING people in the world, who are compassionate, patient, kind and giving. The key is where to find them. You don't find them at parties typically. Usually in places where people are helping other people, involved in service, spiritual endeavors, positive people. At any rate, I encourage you to keep your eyes open for people who DO accept you just the way you are and are RELIABLE in their friendship. Just because parents are not, does not mean you are not lovable and deserve respect and reliable caring from others!
I will keep you in my prayers!
Susie Vanderlip
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Q&A with Susie: Teen thinking about joining a gang
Dear Mrs. Vanderlip,
I think that the legacy of hope has taught me a lot about peer pressure. I
think you have probably raised the hearts of many people. That was the most
inspirational presentation I have ever seen. I hope more people have the same thought
as me; I was thinking of joining a gang when I was older but now I don't think
I want to. I'm growing up around drugs and everyone around me is smoking. I have breathing problems and it worries me.
Sincerely,
Undecided Teen
____________________________________________________________________________
Dear Undecided,
I am very glad you listened and understood so much of my message! Yes, peer pressure is strong, but you can be stronger! I am glad you saw that joining a gang doesn't solve the fears, loneliness, anger of life. In truth, they just magnify them and channel them into so much more sadness and loss of good lives.
You are clearly emotionally intelligent, able to think things through and communicate about them. That is sooo terrific! You are way ahead of a lot of young people, and even adults! I encourage you not to ever let yourself down by thinking having feelings is wrong or a weakness. Strong and courageous men and women are those that know their feelings and work daily to channel them in healthy ways as you did with your email.
As far as being around smoking and breathing problems from it, that is a real bummer. I'm sorry your family has such an addiction to cigarettes. They smoke because they think they have to or else they get physically and emotionally irritable/anxious. That is from the nicotine and other drugs in cigarettes. What I suggest you do is try to go into another room or outside for some fresh air, go in your room and open a window. Do what you can to avoid the second hand smoke. I also suggest you pray for them to recognize their addiction and have the desire and ability to quit.
You can't nag, scold, yell at them enough to get them to quit, so I suggest you don't try! It will just make you mad! And, of course, since you've had breathing difficulties yourself, make a personal policy that you don't smoke, EVER! Just tell kids, “I don't choose to smoke. Breathing is IMPORTANT to me!"
If I can answer any more of your questions or help encourage you to keep going in a healthy direction, let me know!
God bless you!
Susie Vanderlip
I think that the legacy of hope has taught me a lot about peer pressure. I
think you have probably raised the hearts of many people. That was the most
inspirational presentation I have ever seen. I hope more people have the same thought
as me; I was thinking of joining a gang when I was older but now I don't think
I want to. I'm growing up around drugs and everyone around me is smoking. I have breathing problems and it worries me.
Sincerely,
Undecided Teen
____________________________________________________________________________
Dear Undecided,
I am very glad you listened and understood so much of my message! Yes, peer pressure is strong, but you can be stronger! I am glad you saw that joining a gang doesn't solve the fears, loneliness, anger of life. In truth, they just magnify them and channel them into so much more sadness and loss of good lives.
You are clearly emotionally intelligent, able to think things through and communicate about them. That is sooo terrific! You are way ahead of a lot of young people, and even adults! I encourage you not to ever let yourself down by thinking having feelings is wrong or a weakness. Strong and courageous men and women are those that know their feelings and work daily to channel them in healthy ways as you did with your email.
As far as being around smoking and breathing problems from it, that is a real bummer. I'm sorry your family has such an addiction to cigarettes. They smoke because they think they have to or else they get physically and emotionally irritable/anxious. That is from the nicotine and other drugs in cigarettes. What I suggest you do is try to go into another room or outside for some fresh air, go in your room and open a window. Do what you can to avoid the second hand smoke. I also suggest you pray for them to recognize their addiction and have the desire and ability to quit.
You can't nag, scold, yell at them enough to get them to quit, so I suggest you don't try! It will just make you mad! And, of course, since you've had breathing difficulties yourself, make a personal policy that you don't smoke, EVER! Just tell kids, “I don't choose to smoke. Breathing is IMPORTANT to me!"
If I can answer any more of your questions or help encourage you to keep going in a healthy direction, let me know!
God bless you!
Susie Vanderlip
Q&A with Susie: Mom worries about teen's drinking
Hi Susie,
I am a single parent and right now I am having a very difficult time with my teenage son. He is currently on juvenile probation, involved in a gang and smoking marijuana. His attitude is to the point where he doesn't really care about anything and sometimes he can be really disrespectful and just not wanting to listen to rules or be disciplined. I am willing to reach out for any type of resources that may be able to help my son. I know he has a lot of mixed feelings right now, and he is trying to get on the right track. It is very hard for him, so it seems like your program would really be beneficial for him and our family.
Thank you.
Mom w/ Teenage Son
___________________________
Dear Mom w/ Teenage Son –
My heart goes out to you about your son and your concern for the choices he is making. It’s heartbreaking to see a child going down a destructive path because of their internal emotional struggles.
I would very much like to be able to share LEGACY OF HOPE with your son as well as other teens either at his school and/or in juvenile probation. I regularly do assemblies in schools and for juvenile probation departments. The program does give teens a new view on why they are making the choices they are and an opportunity to ask for help.
As far as your son's situation, I often talk to gang kids and ask about the family - who in the family has/had an alcohol or drug problem? Did his dad? His grandparents? I look for the reasons he feels worthless - where did he get neglected, verbally or physically abused, ignored, yelled at, criticized, etc? If this is in his past, he is likely to be acting out on feeling like a loser. Divorce hits kids hard as well and when they become teens, they grieve again, and think all the problems in their families are somehow their fault and/or resent the family for the pain they are having.
I wrote a book that came out last year that covers more of this. 52 Ways to Protect Your Teen that can give you more insights into your son's feelings and thoughts.
Can you have him drug tested? Can you send him to rehab if he IS using? Can you get him into counseling with you? If he is using or drinking, I highly recommend you find Al-Anon Family Groups for YOU and attend some local meetings where you can get additional support and ideas from other parents who have dealt with similar teen problems and the feelings you have of concern, guilt, worry and fear you may have for your son. The meetings are free, anonymous, no gossip and can be extremely helpful in learning how to interact with your son in a healthy way regardless of his choices.
I hope these ideas are helpful.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Susie Vanderlip
I am a single parent and right now I am having a very difficult time with my teenage son. He is currently on juvenile probation, involved in a gang and smoking marijuana. His attitude is to the point where he doesn't really care about anything and sometimes he can be really disrespectful and just not wanting to listen to rules or be disciplined. I am willing to reach out for any type of resources that may be able to help my son. I know he has a lot of mixed feelings right now, and he is trying to get on the right track. It is very hard for him, so it seems like your program would really be beneficial for him and our family.
Thank you.
Mom w/ Teenage Son
___________________________
Dear Mom w/ Teenage Son –
My heart goes out to you about your son and your concern for the choices he is making. It’s heartbreaking to see a child going down a destructive path because of their internal emotional struggles.
I would very much like to be able to share LEGACY OF HOPE with your son as well as other teens either at his school and/or in juvenile probation. I regularly do assemblies in schools and for juvenile probation departments. The program does give teens a new view on why they are making the choices they are and an opportunity to ask for help.
As far as your son's situation, I often talk to gang kids and ask about the family - who in the family has/had an alcohol or drug problem? Did his dad? His grandparents? I look for the reasons he feels worthless - where did he get neglected, verbally or physically abused, ignored, yelled at, criticized, etc? If this is in his past, he is likely to be acting out on feeling like a loser. Divorce hits kids hard as well and when they become teens, they grieve again, and think all the problems in their families are somehow their fault and/or resent the family for the pain they are having.
I wrote a book that came out last year that covers more of this. 52 Ways to Protect Your Teen that can give you more insights into your son's feelings and thoughts.
Can you have him drug tested? Can you send him to rehab if he IS using? Can you get him into counseling with you? If he is using or drinking, I highly recommend you find Al-Anon Family Groups for YOU and attend some local meetings where you can get additional support and ideas from other parents who have dealt with similar teen problems and the feelings you have of concern, guilt, worry and fear you may have for your son. The meetings are free, anonymous, no gossip and can be extremely helpful in learning how to interact with your son in a healthy way regardless of his choices.
I hope these ideas are helpful.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Susie Vanderlip
Q&A with Susie: Teen worries about Dad's drinking
Hi Susie,
My dad has a drinking problem and he pushes me around. What can I do?
-Worried Teen
______________________________________________________________________________
Hi Worried Teen -
Check out www.al-anon.alateen.org
Then read everything you can about Alateen, order the pamphlets (they're free), if you can afford any of the books, I encourage you to read the little red book or the Courage to Be Me book. These will help you understand what to do about your dad's drinking and related behavior problems.
Immediately I suggest you do your best to remove yourself from wherever he is when he's been drinking. Don't hang around to be pushed around. Don't argue with him when he's been drinking; you're only arguing with alcohol, and putting yourself in a position to be hurt. Better to be happy than to be right! Alcohol makes people angry, unreasonable, critical, argumentative, and even violent.
Lastly, if he ever hits you or you are scared for your safety, pick up the phone and call 911. Get the police there to protect you and also he will get the message that his drinking and abuse is a problem. You are not being bad or disloyal. Your safety comes first. If you have to, leave and go to a friend's house over night. Where is your mom in all this?
What I am sharing with you is what I, too, learned what to do at Al-Anon/Alateen. It is the smartest steps I know.
Thanks for caring enough about yourself to reach out for help!
Susie
My dad has a drinking problem and he pushes me around. What can I do?
-Worried Teen
______________________________________________________________________________
Hi Worried Teen -
Check out www.al-anon.alateen.org
Then read everything you can about Alateen, order the pamphlets (they're free), if you can afford any of the books, I encourage you to read the little red book or the Courage to Be Me book. These will help you understand what to do about your dad's drinking and related behavior problems.
Immediately I suggest you do your best to remove yourself from wherever he is when he's been drinking. Don't hang around to be pushed around. Don't argue with him when he's been drinking; you're only arguing with alcohol, and putting yourself in a position to be hurt. Better to be happy than to be right! Alcohol makes people angry, unreasonable, critical, argumentative, and even violent.
Lastly, if he ever hits you or you are scared for your safety, pick up the phone and call 911. Get the police there to protect you and also he will get the message that his drinking and abuse is a problem. You are not being bad or disloyal. Your safety comes first. If you have to, leave and go to a friend's house over night. Where is your mom in all this?
What I am sharing with you is what I, too, learned what to do at Al-Anon/Alateen. It is the smartest steps I know.
Thanks for caring enough about yourself to reach out for help!
Susie
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