Q&A with Susie: Mom worries about teen's drinking

Hi Susie,
I am a single parent and right now I am having a very difficult time with my teenage son. He is currently on juvenile probation, involved in a gang and smoking marijuana. His attitude is to the point where he doesn't really care about anything and sometimes he can be really disrespectful and just not wanting to listen to rules or be disciplined. I am willing to reach out for any type of resources that may be able to help my son. I know he has a lot of mixed feelings right now, and he is trying to get on the right track. It is very hard for him, so it seems like your program would really be beneficial for him and our family.
Thank you.
Mom w/ Teenage Son
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Dear Mom w/ Teenage Son –

My heart goes out to you about your son and your concern for the choices he is making. It’s heartbreaking to see a child going down a destructive path because of their internal emotional struggles.
I would very much like to be able to share LEGACY OF HOPE with your son as well as other teens either at his school and/or in juvenile probation. I regularly do assemblies in schools and for juvenile probation departments. The program does give teens a new view on why they are making the choices they are and an opportunity to ask for help.

As far as your son's situation, I often talk to gang kids and ask about the family - who in the family has/had an alcohol or drug problem? Did his dad? His grandparents? I look for the reasons he feels worthless - where did he get neglected, verbally or physically abused, ignored, yelled at, criticized, etc? If this is in his past, he is likely to be acting out on feeling like a loser. Divorce hits kids hard as well and when they become teens, they grieve again, and think all the problems in their families are somehow their fault and/or resent the family for the pain they are having.
I wrote a book that came out last year that covers more of this. 52 Ways to Protect Your Teen that can give you more insights into your son's feelings and thoughts.

Can you have him drug tested? Can you send him to rehab if he IS using? Can you get him into counseling with you? If he is using or drinking, I highly recommend you find Al-Anon Family Groups for YOU and attend some local meetings where you can get additional support and ideas from other parents who have dealt with similar teen problems and the feelings you have of concern, guilt, worry and fear you may have for your son. The meetings are free, anonymous, no gossip and can be extremely helpful in learning how to interact with your son in a healthy way regardless of his choices.

I hope these ideas are helpful.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Susie Vanderlip