Q&A with Susie: Teen thinking about joining a gang

Dear Mrs. Vanderlip,

I think that the legacy of hope has taught me a lot about peer pressure. I
think you have probably raised the hearts of many people. That was the most
inspirational presentation I have ever seen. I hope more people have the same thought
as me; I was thinking of joining a gang when I was older but now I don't think
I want to. I'm growing up around drugs and everyone around me is smoking. I have breathing problems and it worries me.

Sincerely,
Undecided Teen
____________________________________________________________________________

Dear Undecided,
I am very glad you listened and understood so much of my message! Yes, peer pressure is strong, but you can be stronger! I am glad you saw that joining a gang doesn't solve the fears, loneliness, anger of life. In truth, they just magnify them and channel them into so much more sadness and loss of good lives.
You are clearly emotionally intelligent, able to think things through and communicate about them. That is sooo terrific! You are way ahead of a lot of young people, and even adults! I encourage you not to ever let yourself down by thinking having feelings is wrong or a weakness. Strong and courageous men and women are those that know their feelings and work daily to channel them in healthy ways as you did with your email.

As far as being around smoking and breathing problems from it, that is a real bummer. I'm sorry your family has such an addiction to cigarettes. They smoke because they think they have to or else they get physically and emotionally irritable/anxious. That is from the nicotine and other drugs in cigarettes. What I suggest you do is try to go into another room or outside for some fresh air, go in your room and open a window. Do what you can to avoid the second hand smoke. I also suggest you pray for them to recognize their addiction and have the desire and ability to quit.
You can't nag, scold, yell at them enough to get them to quit, so I suggest you don't try! It will just make you mad! And, of course, since you've had breathing difficulties yourself, make a personal policy that you don't smoke, EVER! Just tell kids, “I don't choose to smoke. Breathing is IMPORTANT to me!"

If I can answer any more of your questions or help encourage you to keep going in a healthy direction, let me know!

God bless you!
Susie Vanderlip

2004 Newsletters

January Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/jan_2004.htm -Inhalants, Suicide, Smoking articles

February Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/feb_2004.htm -Drinking - Variety of Interesting Perspectives re: Teen Drinking

March Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/mar_2004.htm -Youth Violence Issues

May Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/may_2004.htm -Teen Depression, Suicide

July Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/jul_2004.htm -Stress-Induced Teen Drinking, Specific State Alcohol Actions

August Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/aug_2004.htm -Juvenile Drug Court - Example - Orange County, California

October Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/oct_2004.htm -Youth Violence, Video Games, and more

November Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/nov_2004.htm -What Various Countries are Doing about Youth Alcohol and Substance Abuse

2003 Newsletter

Spring Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/spring_2003.htm -What's up with LEGACY OF HOPE Outreach

2002 Newsletter

Spring Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/spring_2002.htm -Rural America - Alcohol & Drugs Perspective

2001 Newsletters

Fall Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/fall_2001.htm -Lessons on Sex Learned on the Dance Floor/Freaking

Spring Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/spring_2001.htm -Various Prevention Topics

Winter Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/winter_2001.htm -Pre-Teen Fashion Concerns, Youth and Gun Violence, Verbal Abuse Impact

2000 Newsletters

Fall Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/fall_2000.htm -Dealing with Stress: How Men and Women Differ, various Prevention Articles

Spring Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/spring_2000.htm -Prevention Info, Service Learning Curriculum

Winter Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/winter_2000.htm -National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign

1999 Newsletter

Fall Newsletter: http://www.legacyofhope.com/fall_1999.htm -Elements of a Good Prevention Program, Teen Violence Prevention

my book: 52 Ways To Protect Your Teen

iParenting Media Award, 2006 EXCELLENT PRODUCTS WINNER!

52 Ways to Protect Your Teen

Guiding Teens to Good Choices and Success

Author Susie Vanderlip, CSP

52 Ways is a clear and honest guide for parents, grandparents, educators,counselors, therapists, and for adults who care about Teens.

A great read for teens, as well, to get along better with parents and peers!

* Sleep better knowing your teen is well prepared to resist peer pressure.
* Written in 52 short, easy-to-read chapters
* Unique insights into the “why” and “how” teenagers think.

For more information about 52 Ways to Protect your Teen or to place an order visit www.waystoprotect.com

I wrote this book based on lengthy one-on-one conversations with 25,000 individual teens following my LEGACY OF HOPE® assemblies at their schools and youth conferences.

The world our youth are growing up in today is not the same as the world of our childhood. The pressures and the pains of adolescence are magnified multi-fold, and so are the means of escaping them. So we adults need a reality check AND we need to know how to reach teenagers raised in a digital, multi-media, sound-bite, extreme, star-studded, sexualized, endorsed drug-using social environment. Let's not forget that it is a bottom-line profits world today in which we've allowed corporate America to market everything under the sun to our youth with sexual messages we would have considered pornography a generation ago.

HOW TO with a mighty mix of HOPE! 52 Ways is easy to read -- read a little, read a lot, then re-read when you want to try out a new skill or approach to a teen, on a day he/she is sporting a less than communicative "attitude"!

Who I Am and What I Do

Maybe you just saw me at your school today, or maybe I talked at a conference you were at in the past... You may remember me best as "Julio", a gang member from the barrio with a mean, alcoholic dad and a painful past... Maybe you'll remember me best as the cheerleader in red whose dad drinks too much, or how about the soccer player whose parents just split and is now cutting on herself because of emotions she cannot face. Maybe you remember these or another of the 8 characters I portray in my one-woman show, LEGACY OF HOPE

All these characters are based on real teens and adults I’ve met on my journey to help teens understand the power and purpose of their feelings and, more importantly, how they drive us from within – how anger, sadness, grief, self-loathing, hopelessness and despair are important emotions that tell us we need to reach out and ask for help from caring and safe people.

I also hope you'll just remember me as Susie, the lady in the red jacket who spoke about a 15 year-old girl and a 17-year-old boy who met in high school, fell madly in love, and later got married. Do you remember how I shared that they first tried alcohol and pot at parties in college (like parties in every high school in America today!)? I shared how HE really liked it. In fact, he turned to alcohol and drugs to cope with the stress/emotions in his life. He was an intelligent and capable person who became a dentist, yet turned to prescription and illegal drugs to handle his feelings, fears, discomfort, anxiety, depression, and disappointments. Then, you may remember my sharing that SHE began to feel suicidal living with him. It didn’t matter how high he got or what he took to get there, he now was mean and angry or ignored her completely. She had been the high school valedictorian and voted Most Likely to Succeed. It did not matter. His criticisms and unkindness eroded her self-esteem. Then, one night, he self-medicated for the flu: took some prescription pain killer (like Oxycontin), drank some alcohol, and snorted lines of cocaine. In the middle of the night, his heart stopped; by morning he was gone. That morning at the age of 35, as I shared, my husband died. This was my story. And, of course, my pain. In the 20+ years since that happened, I have learned so many important lessons about dealing with feelings, how to get out of feeling like a victim, how to heal anger/shame/resentment, who to talk to about grief, and just what it takes to develop emotional wisdom – the key ingredient to feeling happy, joyous and free of past pain.

So, here I am – ready to be a resource to you and your friends if you get what I’m talking about – if someone else’s drinking, drug use, sexual acting out, unkindness, criticism, cruelty has affected your emotions like it did mine. If you come from a family where someone has a drinking or drug problem, or a family with verbal, physical, emotional abuse, perhaps you, too, need to know where to get help. I can help you with that. I am not a therapist, a counselor, or a licensed social worker. I am simply one person willing to share their experience, strength and hope along the road to emotional well-being – particularly if you’ve thought you were the only one dealing with such things.